Holidays Upon Us

Friends: I just left my final assignment for this year at Fort Bragg. I have information that suggests I'll be at Fort Bragg a lot next year. Before then, I will join the Marines at Camp LeJeune, NC for a few weeks just after Christmas. UNTIL THEN, I will be taking a much needed vacation. Check back in the new year. Dr. D.

Resilient Soliders & Us

One amazing thing about Soldiers and US, too, is that even in very tragic circumstances we continue. Even Soldiers at Ft Hood, went back to work THE SAME DAY! Yes, with heartbreak and fear, they went back to work. I went back to work. You watched the horrible scenes at Ft Hood, the fear, the death, the fractures. And you kept working. You cooked, you picked up the kids, you called your spouse, you went to dinner, to church, to other activities. Kids went to school the next day, took exams, did homework. How, in the face of such terror can they, we do that? God has made us resilient. We can do it because we are made with a strong sense of self and we have the capacity to live beyond our immediate circumstances. Think about it. There are plenty of things to worry us, but we ignore them. We "Soldier" on. Dr. D.

Sure, I got it all together?

I think that no matter how much you think you have finally arrived at a good place in your life; you feel confident; you feel hopeful; I'm not sure we ever really have it all together. So, there she was trying to balance her life between her husband's request for a divorce, anger, fear, sorrow and her determination that she will recover; she will get a new life; and she will begin again -- that is if he does not agree to restart their marriage which she wants with all her heart. All the skill and compassion I have is tested at these moments. I don't have it all together anymore as I listen, encourage, understand. It's not my marriage and I fear that I may say the wrong thing or miss something she is telling me. She leaves encouraged and hopeful. I remain wondering if I did what was the right thing to do. Dr. D.

The Weather

There is a problem with this wonderful cooler weather, 45 at night 68 in the day. The problem it is a sign that winter is around the corner. Don't like winter, even in NC. Sound foolish? Yes, it is foolish to give up a wonderful day because winter is next. It is not that one can certainly enjoy the winter. It is that this wonderful Fall day will go without the joy that it can bring. Oh, Wait. Doing that with other things? Skip the joy of today because of worry about the future? Maybe you are doing that with the past -- skip the joy of today because of worry about the past. Enjoy the day. It may be the secret to the happy life. Dr. D.

Going Away - Not Good

I am on the road all the time, well, most of the time. It drags you down no matter how comfortable you might be. But that is nothing compared to what Soldiers do. Funny, both good and bad comes from going away all the time. Soldiers have an added element of fear that is always there but seldom faced. It is better NOT to face it. That fear is that he or she may not return -- a deployment may cost a Soldier's life. Attending memorial services is difficult because it makes very real the possibility that "my" soldier will be the next to die -- especially when the memorial service is for someone in the same unit. So, there is no way that I can figure going away is a good thing during combat. It may be good for the United States or for a country that we are helping to guarantee freedom. But for families it is never good. Dr. D.

Another Day -- What Happened?

It may seem to be "naval gazing" but it is good to look back over a day and see how it went. I know, you would likely think about work or missions you completed. But what about relationships? Did you note if you hugged your children? I'd love to do that but they live far away, and of course, they are adults -- but I'd hug them anyway! What about your spouse? Did you note special moments in the day? Remember dating? Just gazing into one another's eyes? Well, try it again -- and don't laugh while you're doing it. So, while checking what happened today, think of how it went with you and the people you love. Dr. D.

Never a Chance to Rest

I know, there are plenty of people telling us to make the most of every minute. We don't have to sit on the couch when the trash needs taking out. Nor do we need to watch a TV show when we could be playing with the kids. Nor do we need to sleep late on Saturdays when the car needs washing, when the lawn needs mowing or the walk needs shoveling, or the carpet needs vacuuming or the furniture dusting, or, don't let me forget, cooking breakfast and cooking out for lunch! When does a body rest? So, what we've done is heap guilt up on us so high that to rest is to be guilty. There ya go. So, rest. A rested soul is a more effective soul. Not that we should allow TV or sleeping in keep us from being a great parent or partner, no way. But sometimes there is a need for rest that keeps us effective and happy and a better us. So, every once in awhile, kick back and take that much needed rest. Dr. D.

Make the Minutes Count

Time flies doesn't it! But because of that too many unnoticed minutes pass us by. It is amazing that we allow those who are important to us to slip through those minutes without knowing. Can you remind folks too often that they are important to you? I don't think so. Make those minutes count. Keep the from slipping by. Unlike the commercials for cell phones, you can't get back the minutes we let pass. Did I tell you lately how important you are? How easy is that? When was the last time your kids, your spouse or parents heard that you loved them. Here in the Airborne world of the 82d Airborne Division, I admonish them to pay close attention to these passing minutes -- they could be the last they have together. An unspoken truth that is painful to be hold. But to acknowledge that truth is to help make every minute count. Try it. I'm sure it will help grow your relationships. Dr. D.

Nothing Comes Too Easily

I know we'd like our marriages to blossom without much effort. The couple sat in the office recounting why they loved each other but were no longer able to tolerate each other's ways. I mean, isn't marriage supposed to be magical? exciting? forever loving? and all without effort? Well, in a word "no". In order for magic to work takes work. In order for it to be exciting two people have to do what makes it exciting. Forever love comes from dedication, forgiveness, acceptance. And all of it takes dedicated effort. It simply takes work. It means knowing that each wishes the other no harm; knowing that love means being ready to forgive (not just being able to say "I'm sorry" but to forgive readily); knowing that if the outcome we wish is a long and strong relationship, it will take effort, willingly giving to the other. The satisfaction of working to make a marriage work will bring a smile of satisfaction to your faces. You know you have to agree. Dr. D.

Where has the time gone?

OK. I've been out of the net. I knew it. It bugged me everyday. Now I'm back. I am ready to rock and roll again. Family care is a very specialized segment of counseling. Spiritual care is even more specialized that marriage and family counseling. I'm looking forward to re-engaging. We do know that it is difficult to be open and honest and get along. It seems like it should be simple, but it isn't. Somehow getting past our own barriers and through the other's barriers is not an easy thing! It is a challenge but well worth it. It seems easy to just walk away or forget about it or just let it go. But that does not build closeness particularly in a marriage or family. Kids don't seem to want to hear about what makes a strong family. Parents don't seem to want to do it. Why? It is hard work. It takes patience and dedication. It takes being calm and staying connected until understanding is found and the relationship connected. I'm looking forward to the adventure with those wonderful soldiers at Ft Bragg, their spouses and children. They do help to keep an old guy young! Dr. D.

Time REALLY does Fly

Well, no. I guess time clicks off at the same 60 seconds per minute, 60 minutes per hour, etc., etc.! But sometimes it SEEMS to fly by. It is now 8 months since I began traveling to serve our military men and women and their families -- Department of the Army civilians, too. It began in TN, moved to AL, then on to TX and finally here at Fort Bragg, NC. Here's what I've discovered. Time flies. Yes, it zooms by. I could not have been on the road for 8 months. My goodness that's almost a year -- I guess 4 months less than a year, but it seems like a year. I've also discovered that military people are like people everywhere. They are no different regardless of whether we think so or don't. They are pretty young. They are usually balancing military duties, home life, children, marriage and money. Why? To serve their country and the cause of freedom around the world. No I haven't "drunk the Kool Aid" I have seen them and they are us. Same kind of problems; same kind of energy; same kind of challenges; same kind of determination to make the best of sometimes very difficult situations. Yes, they are us. And as Jesus said we ought to "love our neighbors as we love ourselves." These soldiers and airmen I have met, you would love them as you love yourself. It is eye opening. Time has moved on and for the first time this year I'll spend some time at home before returning to the work again soon. It will be here before I know it, because Time REALLY does FLY! Dr. D.

Don't Like it Til It's Gone!

Right. Like hating to be a teenager until you're not one anymore. Longing to be 16 to drive a car, but then hate to earn the money to pay the bills related to a car. Like work. It really seems wonderful to have (today to have one at all it seems) but then to tire of it after a bit. Nothing has been more glorious than working with soldiers. It is so very cool to be outside at 1715 (that's 5:30p for civilians :-)) when the loud speaker system blasts retreat (end of day) and then plays the National Anthem. Everything stops. Soldiers stop where they are, stand at attention, then salute through the National Anthem. How cool would it be in the shopping mall at 5p for the loud speaker to go on and ask everyone shopping to stop what they are doing, stand at attention, and listen to the National Anthem. Well, I'm in line for leave (uh, vacation to civilians) in a couple of weeks. Being away from home has been difficult so far this year. But that vacation is great, but. Well, but I'll miss the soldiers. The end of this assignment will be met with mixed emotions. Dr. D.

Does a Tree Make a Sound?

You know the old question "Does a tree that falls in the forest make a sound if there is no one to hear it.?" The point was that communication takes a speaker and a listener. That's cool in marriage and family conversations. It takes sharing the speaking and listening parts so that everyone speaks and listens. They actually teach Active Listening so that couples can learn to actually hear one another. You know 'if I understand what you said it was ...." (smile, please). But I was thinking about sharing my thoughts about this work and some of my experiences. Like today I met a young soldier who had an adverse reaction to an inoculation and has lost use of some of her limbs for the rest of her life. She was doing so well, made me feel somewhat ashamed of my complaints. But does anyone read about it just because I write about it? I may decide to do mass emails instead? What thinkest thou? Dr. D.

Never a Dull Moment

To borrow a phrase -- working with soldiers and their families never has a dull moment. Life sometimes seems so boring and same. Days come one after the other. But I gotta tell ya, with soldiers one never knows what the day will hold. If you are Special Forces or Rangers that is really true. They sometimes go to work and don't come home. A message is sent to the families that they are on a mission. It is amazing, really, how they do it, even the senior soldiers who have been doing it for twenty years or more. So, every time I think that today will be too much for me, or that I'd rather be at home, I think of them and settle in to doing my mission. It is not dull to say the least. I was thinking that we can look at our non-military lives with the same sense of anticipation that today will be filled with wonder and love and even some uncertainty. Try it and as they say, you'll like it. Dr. D.

It can wear ya out!

I guess everyone can say that their jobs wear them out. Some people say working with younger folks makes ya feel young. Well, I gotta say that the young soldiers and young soldier families can wear a guy out. The weather is very hot, 100 degrees today. The installation is filled with housing, office buildings, barracks, and lots of training places. It is big here at Ft Bragg. And I have to admit that it wears me out. Some of the challenges that young soldiers have would astound our civilian friends. And I'm tired. Well, worn out. OK, so I can keep going and I will. But trying to keep up with young soldiers is a real challenge. Know what I mean? Dr. D.

Some Silence is Not Good

There are soldiers and some of their leaders who think that depression and anxiety are for weaker persons. What happens when you believe this is breakdown in the face of difficulties. Seeking and getting assistance in the face of stress and distress and personal challenges is not a sign of a weaker person, but maybe a smarter person. This kind of silence is not good for any of us, certainly not for soldiers and their families. Secrets of our hearts are a weight that is difficult to carry alone. Openness in a marriage brings personal peace and enhanced marital relationships. No, we don't tell anyone every thought we ever had. But to say "I'm worried and I want to talk about it" and to have your partner say "I want to hear what you have to say and we'll face it together," is a marvelous experience. Silence is not always golden -- only when your school teacher wants the class to settle down! :-] Dr. D.

Where have I been all my life

Someone posted a question on this blog. Are you the guy ... and recalled a military assignment I had almost 30 years ago. Well, I was that guy back then. I'm not that guy now. Time has a way of softening the edges and changing the person we are. Having children changes the parents. Getting older changes the person. I do remember that guy and sometimes I read what he (ok "I") wrote and look over pictures when I was young and our children were, well, children. Sometimes it is a good idea to look over the years and see "where you've been all your life." Dr. D.

Wounded Soldiers

Twice a week my responsibilities include being available to wounded soldiers. It would break your heart. There are many men and women who have head injuries and they are not returning to 100 percent after months of treatment. They appear to be just fine on the outside, but the brain damage is clear. We are taking care of them, but you can see the fear in their eyes and their voices as they anticipate a future of moderate dependency. And most of them are in their early 20's and may have had more than one year deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan. Ya gotta love em. It is my honor to walk along side of them for just awhile. Some have become my friends and I talk with them several times a week as I serve in various settings here at Fort Bragg, NC. Dr. D.

The Adventure Continues

Hey, EVERY adventure continues. We learn about one another everyday. We meet new people. We have new challenges, even if they are the same old challenges! For me, there are new adventures every day. Mowing the lawn; helping others; meeting new soldiers; finding new avenues to serves; working with other care providers; learning new things; putting together tables and chairs. What about you? Is your adventure on going? Are you looking forward to each new day? Are the customers, people, business partners, church members, leaders you serve new every day, even when they are the same people? Try looking forward to each day in the way I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I've got soldiers to meet; soldiers to help and I'm looking forward to it. You? Dr. D.

Routine Not So Routine for Some

Does it seem as though your day repeats the same thing of the previous day? It is certainly possible that it seems that way for you. But I am just as certain that it doesn't seem that way to the persons you engage. So, the soldier I talk with on my routine day is not so routine for that soldier. Though dealing with your children seems to be the same every day, it is not that way to your children. Your job may seem the same to you every day, but to your customers it is not the same. Customers need what you provide whether information, guidance, or auto parts. Every day is a new day. Like Friday night as I drove to Pope Air Force Base to welcome home soldier who had just returned from 15 months of duty in Iraq. Or like Saturday morning as I participated in training volunteers who will assist military family members. Both a routine responsibility for me, but definitely not routine for my audience. Reframe your day to see from your "customer's" point of view. A great way to dispel the routine. Dr. D.

Another Hot Day

Some places in NC were flooded yesterday and today they are drying out. Here at Ft Bragg, it was a very nice summer day -- HOT! Do soldiers stay indoors on hot days? No. Do soldiers stop training on hot days? No. Do soldiers stop preparing to deploy to a war zone? No. Do soldiers simply take the day off when it is hot? No. Soldiers soldier. They keep at it, hot or cold, rain or shine. Soldiers have done that for years, well, centuries, for 233 years since July 4, 1776. I admire that so much. They seem so young. I was married and had children and joined the US Army before most of them were born. They are as tough as any soldier before them. No softees here. So, another hot day means nothing to a soldier. Would that every American worked like this without complaint, without hesitation, without regard for self. That's a hot weather soldier. Today's Army. Dr. D.

Parenting is for TEAMS

Today I watched a Mom working with her two children, while their Dad looked on. With two kids wouldn't two parents have been a better idea than one active participant and one observer? Parenting is a Team Sport! Although I am the first to admit that Mom was the primary care giver, teacher, and, well, parent to our children, BOTH Mom and Dad are the parents, not just one or the other, not one more than the other. Parenting takes two and it is best when both work together. Sometimes it takes one parent to make it clear and friendly to the other that it takes two. Not just to "baby sit" but to parent, teaching, loving, giving, caring. Parenting is for TEAMS. Dr. D.

Meeting Super Soldiers

I've spent the previous three months working with airmen at Air Force bases. Now I'm living and working with soldiers. Not just any soldiers. These are what the public usually thinks of super soldiers. So, I was lost. Driving around trying to find the unit where I was to give a presentation. Finally I pulled over, stopped the car as I saw a passing soldier. Turned out he was a Special Forces Private First Class. When I got out of the car, he stopped immediately, smiled and gave that look, you know, that says, "how can I help you." And he did. Pointing me directly to where I was to go and meeting me along the way. I gave him the credit and thanked him. This was Special Forces, ya'll. The super soldier who turned out to be just a regular guy; friendly as all get out; and willing to help a lost soul. How great is that? You should be proud of our folks in uniform, serving you and our country. Dr. D.

New Opportunities Every Day

Each day is a new opportunity. Think of that in our own lives, not in terms of working with military members and their families. Think of everyday that we take for granted. We forget to love, to hug, to thank. When was the last time everybody in a family thanked those who bring in the cash that makes it possible to buy the things we need and want? When was the last time we thanked a Mom for taking care of the kids or a Dad for doing the same? Each day is a new opportunity. So, today was full of great conversations with old friends, counseling associates, office persons around the installation, and great soldiers. What could be better than that? I got lost learning my way around. I just couldn't tell which way I was going and would find myself back to where I started! Go figure? Take advantage of this day, it's your chance. Dr. D.

What a Day!

It was a cool morning in North Carolina compared to the past month I spent in Hot Texas, I guess some do like it hot. It stayed that way even though it did surpass 90 degrees. What made it a "cool" day was the people I met and the soldier I helped and the conversations I had. All to do my part to help our soldiers and their families in their times of deepest distress. The inspiring home of the Airborne looks like many other military installations. That is not what makes it special. It is the people and families that make up the most rugged, courageous soldiers one could ever meet. Right in the center of the installation is the magnificent statue of Iron Mike, the infantryman's monument, much like the one outside the Infantry Center at Ft Benning, Georgia. It will inspire you, trust me. After so many years with the US Army, it still inspires me. Be impressed. Dr. D.

Touching Lives Touching You

I was wondering as I drove the 2 hours back to Ft Bragg today. It was hot outside and I was leaving family behind. It was Father's Day. It was one of those moments where you are disappointed to leave and yet your mission is before you. But I am here touching lives at the home of the Airborne, the Rangers, the Special Forces and I'm touching you through this medium. We're connected. And we're beginning another mission touching the lives of our military members and their families. It is an awesome mission. And we're doing it together. We have a mutual mission as you think about the tasks of our military members and their families. Pray for them. Pray for me. I'll pray for you, too. Dr. D.

Taking Care of Home

Hope you are doing that? I spent four wonderful days at home before I left to a new assignment. This time it will be with the Army, Ft Bragg. These are tough military professionals. Yet they suffer just like everyone else and their families also. So, what can I do to help? Who will be crossing my path in the weeks ahead? What kind of struggles are they going through? Will I be able to help? What I am really doing here? Well, I did have a great time at home, working too much around the yard and loving it. Great dinner and such fun with grandkids and a visit with one of our sons. So, now it is off to other people's families. I'm ready. Hope youare taking care of home. You won't know how important that is until you can't be there. Dr. D.

Packin' Up Gettin' Ready to Go!

I start packing a couple of days before I leave. I need to be organized. Sometimes I pack and repack the same bag, just to fit everything in the easiest or best in my mind. When it gets right down to it when the time comes finally I have to leave whether I'm ready or not, packed or not. Then I just stuff the last things in. It doesn't matter anymore. Maybe this is a lot like life. As we go through life we pack our experiences in. Other things happen, other people come into our lives, sometimes even a great spiritual experience, and we have to unpack and repack. Each day, however, we simply must live it, no matter how things are packed. If we are dragging around the past, it is more difficult to live today. But if it is put in its place, we'll do just fine. The past needs to stay there most often. So, packed and ready or not, I just gotta go. Dr. D.

It is very hot

I like hot weather. I prefer it to cold winters with snow. I think snow looks nice in pictures. It was already 80 degrees when I left for work this morning at 0730 hours (7:30 am to civilians they say). But nothing is so hot as the intensity with which airman families must work. It is intense. It is a 24/7 job serving one's country. The wind blew and the trees waved in it. I could hear a dog barking and the birds were singing. It was a beautiful day. Well, okay, so my replacement arrived today and it may have clouded my perception, pun intended. When your replacement arrives it means you are only days from going home. Don't you love going home. It is as though the weight of the world rolls right off my back when I walk in that front door. I am learning again what home means. It is my hide away, my hospital, the place I go to be myself and re-energize. Home is where I get ready for the next assignment. That is home. Be glad to go there. See what there is there that really lets you be yourself, be loved, enjoy. That would make it worth it. Dr. D.

Monday Mornings

It was already hot at 7am today, 76 degrees. Rose to 97 by mid day. Really hot. Don't know how we really took it years ago without air conditioning. Drove the little rental car to the office, briefed my local liaison on the week ahead and headed out to our satillite office in the Air Force Tech School. Our ramping up of care to the thousands of young (mostly) airmen who are in their advanced training called Tech School. They train everything from military police to transportation specialists. Had a great conversation with a graduate of the military police school on his way to North Dakota. Another from California on his way to Delaware! Talk about coast to coast. In all it was a good day, one that I can look back on proud to have been here to serve our airmen. Having to brace myself as I gear up for an army assignment next. I laughed as I shared with the new, young security force private, that you know you are old when the police look soooo young. This was a day, one of many and one of many more to come. Dr. D.

Worship Around the World

I promised you this photo. Basic Training Airmen of our U.S. Air Force. Worshipping on Sunday morning. You see so many of them responding to a call for Christian committment. It was a sight to behold! Sent chills up and down my back! Singing like you never heard even from those who can't sing! It reminds me that faith in the Lord is the backbone of satisfying life. These airmen are making that choice. They will still have challenges, as we do, but they will have an inner spiritual strength that give courage and balance and wisdom. In fact, as I think about it, it is not just for airmen or soldiers, but for all of us. What are you built on? Now, isn't it better to depend on our Lord? Dr. D.

Where does the time go?

How come some days take forever and other days pass by in a moment? I experienced both recently. My Love came to visit for a long weekend. It was gone in a flash. The next week after she left seemed to take forever to pass. I don't get it sometime. Yesterday we had a splendid wedding day and this coming week we will celebrate 43 years. Seems impossible. Yesterday our children were born, today they have children of their own. My days serving our military men and women and their families seem to be both consequential weeks and fly by in a moment. Touching someone which may have an effect upon the rest of their marriages or military careers seems so important. But no matter our experience of it, we best make the best of the moments we have today, because it will be yesterday much too soon. Dr. D.

You should have been there

I'll try to post a photo later if I can, took them with my phone of all things. I decided to visit a Basic Military Training Chapel service. Blew me away. I entered the chapel ten minutes before service was to begin. Already hundreds of airmen standing and singing chorus after chorus of worship songs. The place was vibrating and electrifying. When the service began and the praise band came in, when you think it couldn't get more powerful and with another few hundred airmen arriving, it was so inspiring I could hardly hold back the tears. Young men and women singing at the top of their lungs, hands in the air, rocking back and forth. It seemed like a worship "mosh pit", arm in arm, hand in hand, the worship was like nothing I've ever been a part of. Needless to say I'll be back again. Just to see our newest, young men and women, airmen in service of our country, worshipping. It will change the way you think about military young people. Dr. D.

Key Word: READINESS

This is a photo of the Lackland Air Force Base, San Antonion, Texas "Airman and Family Readiness Center" where I have an office. I don't spend a lot of time there. To me it is very affirming that I work at a "Readiness Center." While airmen are getting combat ready the folks here, including me, are ensuring that they and their families are ready for the emotional and relational distress of that combat. I don't think I have found a "civilian" counter part to these Centers. We have a lot of different organizations whose missions are to help with our lives each doing a lot of different things. But when I think about being "ready" for what life has for us, I wonder where that place is that readies us for the task? None of them seem to be "the place" such as these centers in the Air Force. We live in a great country where we can know that not only do we send our young men and women into combat, but we do everything we can to ensure that they and their families are ready for the emotional, psychological, financial, and relational distress that goes along with it. You will have to, most often, go to more than one place to get all of this. Thank God our military folks don't have to. Dr. D.

The Price of Freedom

I will not be political, promise. I'm not talking about the military budget, or how large our armed forces are or should be. I'm not talking about the cost of equipment or the cost of our current battles. I'm not even talking about those who paid the ultimate sacrifice or who have been permanently injured in an act of war. I'm talking about the walking wounded -- a label given to those who are physically fine, but pay the price of military service in other ways. You cannot imagine how many children grow up with one parent deployed so much. So much separation. You cannot imagine how many spouses have to "go it alone" so that their partner can serve admirably. You can only imagine how many families and marriages pay the price through separation and divorce and unfaithfulness and disloyalty. It breaks your heart. If you are not part of the military, then thank God that you can go home tonight after work and repair whatever it is that has been hurting your marriage, your family. Someone is paying the price so that you can do that. Spend that price wisely. Dr. D.

Changing Weather

Well, it's HOT, HOT, HOT at Lackland Air Force Base, San Antonio, TX. I was diverted here to attend to airman needs. Stay flexible and remember the weather always changes. So, if the weather always changes, I guess we ought not to hitch our wagons to the weather. If we needed pleasant weather to live thriving lives, I suppose most of us would not. Things change, not just the weather. Not just new places and people, but the folks who are closest to us change too. Resisting that we are different today than we once were or trying to keep others from changing is like trying to hold back the rain when it's raining. Not too cool an idea. So warm or cold, summer or winter, people change, circumstances change, but we love intently just the same. Instead of focusing on what is different focus of the foundational love. Dr. D.

Another Hello

Time rushes by so fast. It is almost frightening. I know I'm older and so it seems faster to me, but I am leaving yet another assignment. I'm trying not to look at it as another good-by3 but another hello. I get a few days at home but I've been called to fill a position for which circumstances have left vacant. It is a repairative assignment. No matter where I go, there are people there and pretty much we're all a lot alike. Take every good chance for another "hello." Like tonight when you get home from work, like tomorrow when you visit with friends, like business associates that we all seem to take for granted. To the people at Moody Air Force Base I say, "Let's not say good-bye, but I'll see you later." To the people in Texas I will meet soon, "Hello, Ya'll, I'm..." Dr. D.

The Good News or the Bad News

It is funny how good news and bad news can sometimes be the same thing. Oh, good news you're doing a great job; bad news you have to move to a new city. Oh, good news your kids are graduating from high school; bad news they are going away to college. Oh, good news it's a sunny day, bad news you work indoors. You see. The other way is true too. Bad news it's gonna rain today, good news the flowers will bloom. Bad news you've had to be away awhile (like seven weeks?), good news is someone back home loves you and there is a reunion coming. Bad news you have to work, good news you are helping people even if only the company, the customers, or the people you work with. The question might be which do you see? The good news or the bad news? It does make a difference. Dr. D.

Missing in Action - Prisoners of War

This is a photo of a reserved dining table at the Moody Air Force Base Dining Facility called the Georgia Pines. What is it? It is a formally dressed table that is reserved for those airmen who are Missing in Action and Prisoners of War. I was so struck by it I had to pass it on to you. These airmen eat every meal with the expectation that their missing comrades will one day return to eat with them. Their table is waiting. Dr. D.

Making an Adjustment

Is there something in life that doesn't take an adjustment? I've talked with airmen, low ranking and officers, who are having difficulty adjusting. Some to marriage, some to the military environment, some to medical conditions. Well, I have one to make also. I'm leaving this assignment at Moody Air Force Base next week. I was to have 8 days at home then go to Ft Bragg which is near home. A calamity elsewhere caused my employer to ask me to leave home sooner and go to another air force base in TEXAS! Go figure? So I have an adjustment to make. Less time at home; moving to another time zone; and no chance of getting home during the assignment AND I have to help out in a problem situation. So, is there something in life that doesn't take an adjustment? I think not. Fortunately for me, I have plenty of experience and I have confidence in my Lord who is with me in every situation. So, I can sit back and relax because I am certain to be able to manage successfully. I believe that about you, too. Regardless of what is happening, you are built to endure and thrive. Dr. D.

Relational Disconnecting

As I get to the close of this assignment I begin to understand again what it is like to connect and disconnect and reconnect in one's relationships. It is not a simple task. It reminds me that things happen in a family, in a marriage, that causes folks to disconnect, among siblings, between parents, between parents and kids. They are in the same house, doing much the same things they do all the time, but it is obvious to everyone that they have disconnected. The real challenge comes in trying to reconnect. It almost seems more difficult than the gradual disconnecting that already happened. Yet, in order for a family, a marriage, well, shoot, a person to thrive, that reconnecting must take place. If ya can't seem to find a way to do that, sit with the person you wish to reconnect to and simply say "I can't seem to find a way back to you. Let's try to do that together." It is not reconnecting, but it is recognizing that sometimes reconnecting is much more difficult than the disconnecting. Make it happen. Dr. D.

Easter Miracle

Today I spent some time with airmen and their families at Easter services in the Moody AFB Chapel. Airmen, well, military folks in general, remind me always of Easter. They are knocked down but always seem to thrive. They suffer, but always seem to remain confident. They are often separated from the ones they love, but their love stays strong. These things have Easter written all over them. Think of the ways you have thrived in hard times and you'll notice Easter living in you, too. Happy Easter. Dr. D.

Miltary Blessings

After nearly four months of working intently with military folks, their families, and those who support them, I am again overwhelmed by how dedicated they are. Time does not matter, lack of sleep does not matter, being hungry does not matter, the mission matters. Even for those who support our military folks, they will let nothing get in the way of delivering their support to the folks who need it. Applaud them, please. Heroes is an over used word, but dedicated, hardworking, committed folks they are and are due honor. Sometimes they thank me, but I always return that thanks with greater thanks. Moody Air Force Base is a marvelous place, even though at least one third of them are deployed and in harms way. Folks hold their breaths praying that everyone returns home safely. Sadly they don't all. But every one of them should have our appreciation for it takes a special kind of person to do this work. I've met a whole lot of them. Dr. D.

Not all Wonderful

I don't suppose that anyone's life is all wonderful. There are those who can see the good in every day or ignor the things that are difficult. It is the same in traveling our country serving our fine women and men in uniform. There are those days. You know what I'm talking about. They are long, they are busy or they are slow. You miss the people at home. Geez I can even miss mowing the lawn and taking out the trash! So, you remember me while you remember our uniformed citizens, because not every day is all wonderful. I'm sure that is true of you. Together we'll find the things to celebrate each day, love, children, family, planning a vacation (I didn't say taking one!), spouse - - all the people we actually do live for each day. In fact, focusing on the people we love makes whatever we do more wonderful than the difficult things we do can erase. Dr. D.

What is Moody AFB Like?

It's like a small city within a city. It's like a community college campus with a fence around it and a very big airport attached to it -- where really big planes fly in and out. It's full of hard working people dedicated to one another and dedicated to their country, the cause of freedom, and defending the defenseless. Tbere are no speed limit signs, it is posted when you drive on base. There is not one traffic signal on Moody. Every driver is courteous and obeys the speed limit. They are very young it seems to me - but maybe I'm just pretty old! They are always friendly and call me "sir" all the time. They won't go through a doorway first, unless I tell them they are the dedicated active duty airman and they must let me hold the door for them. The civilians who support them are equally selfless and dedicated. Even though I've had a long and wonderful military career, these fine folks simply amaze me and I am thankful for them. When they ask for help they do so humbly. It's warm, pleasant and disciplined. You would like it here. Dr. D.

Getting Ready for Deployment

I still stirs me when I give a briefing to airmen here at Moody Air Force Base about getting ready to deploy. My work is with their emotional response. Most are ready to "serve their country" and therefore often are not aware until some negative affect that there is an emotional price to pay for deploying. Leaving and returning. Leaving friends making new ones. Changing support systems. Disconnecting and reconnecting with family. If they know what can go wrong they can ready themselves to prevent emotional difficulties when deployed. Most just tough it out. Maybe that's what we all do in life. Instead of clearly communicating about what is happening to us and being available to listen to what is happening to others, we just tough it out. Much to the detriment of our selves, our families, and our friends. On the up side, we can clearly ready ourselves for the tasks that are ahead of us and the outcome is much better. Dr. D.

Coffee with Friends

Most days I stop at the Starbucks on the way to work because the drive is about 30 minutes from the hotel. I stop there because I have coffee with friends when I do. Well, I am still using a gift card given me by friends. When I order the coffee, give the gift card, and accept the coffee I think of those friends. I miss them because keeping friends is an important element in life. Having been career military I learned how to let go of friends and make new ones on the short term. Now I feel like I've missed something. So, all you friends out there, I think of you often -- especially when I drink that great coffee. Maybe there is something important here. Whether it is "FaceBook" or "My Space" technology has given us a way to stay connected like never before. Stay connected. And, hey, a phone call would be cool once in awhile, I'm sure those friends would like to hear your voice not only read your notes. Just a little friendly advice. Oh, send me your phone number and we can actually hear one another's voices. Oh, man, the memories of friends are flooding back. Dr. D.

Marriages Under Attack

I know that I am posted at Moody Air Force Base to focus on relational challenges. But airmen are able to come to me "off the record" for any distressors in their lives. However, I must tell you that married military members (Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines, and National Guard) are being challenged at the hearts of their relationships. Constant absences, poor money management, too little income for growing families, shifting marital roles, dual working parents; ALL of these often bombard military families at the same time. One of the negative results is the end of these families. Which does not heal the suffering, only increases it. SOLVING the distress does decrease the stress while running from it does not. Even though (y)our marriages and families may not be bombarded like military families, there is something here to learn. Solving distresses resolves them without destroying the relationships. Try it. Dr. D.

Crisis

A crisis is not just "in the eye of the beholder." That is, it is only a crisis for the one having the crisis. A personal crisis often involves others whether in support of that person or to avoid that person or maybe to have created the crisis FOR that person. It is humbling to me to know that the airmen whom I serve will come to me with their personal crisis even though they do not know me and I will be gone in 45 days. I think you would be awed by the experience. When we are asking our military to serve at great danger to themselves and their families, I believe it is important that we support them with the personal crises that often accompany living. The young man, married ten years, feeling his marriage fall apart, longs for the assistance that will prevent that. I pray that the preservation he wants will be found in my office. It's okay if he finds it somewhere else also. But if he makes his way to me, I want him to find what he needs. If I ask him to go into combat I must be there for him when he needs me. Dr. D.

No Followers No Comments

So they tell me that blogs are for dialog. Not this one I guess. If you frequent my blog to follow my adventures and keep focus on good relationships, how about telling me what you think and lets get a dialog going among visitors and get a strong group of followers going. I look forward to knowing who is coming along for the ride. You know, if you talk and talk and talk and you don't know if your partner is listening. Well, you know what I mean. Dr. D.

Where does the Time Go?

Can't believe it's been a week since my last entry. You might have lots of thoughts about that. You may think I don't care about it. You could think that I just got too busy. You might think that I just lost track of time. But the truth is that technology got the better of me. The internet connections I have (well, had) were so poor that I either could not log on or it took forever to do so or when I got there it would not allow me to post. That is somewhat fixed now. But what is learned here is that if you would have come to some conclusion about me because of this week's absence you might more likely be wrong that right. Guessing what motivates others can have the same effect in our relationships. Check it out is a better way. You can say "here's what I think about what you've done. What is your thinking on it?" That way you get to say what's worrying you and you offer to listen to what has motivated the other person. Life is a lot better that way. Dr. D.

No Fly Boy!

Having never been assigned to an Air Force Base while on active duty, being now assigned to serve airmen is a new experience. There is a new language and I've begun to work with a "translator" (a person who is helping me translate my army language and understanding to air force language and understanding. I know all planes have wings and Moody Air Force Base has more than one "wing commander." But does that mean every plan with two wings has two "wing commanders?" NOT! There is a difference and I have to understand it. Hey! That sounds like what we do in relationships. We try to communicate but sometimes don't get the idea that what we say does not have the same meaning to the other person. Sometimes there are cultural differences (I'm from Ohio, my wife is from Alabama!), or language (parts of the US or the world), or gender; maybe even age, as parents and children try to understand one another. (Ever try to communicate clearly with a teenager? Very challenging.) The idea I've learned here is that if I keep talking "army" pretty soon no one will talk with me. I can't have that, so I learn the language of the other person. Cool idea I think for couples and families. Dr. D.

Packin' Up Gettin' Ready to Go!

It is almost that time again when another journey begins. Wednesday morning I will hop in my car rental and find my way to Moody Air Force Base. It is an adventure I am not accustomed to since I will be serving the Air Force. Now, I've depended on the Air Force before. Flown with them many times (how else did I get there?). But I have not had the opportunity to serve them exclusively. new language, new people, and likely no one there I know. I guess you can teach old dogs new tricks! So, every time you're tempted to say "that's just the way I do it" or "I've always done it that way and I'm not gonna change no!" Forget about it! Change is easy and essential. See you in Georgia! Dr. D.

Time Off

Well, I'm taking a bit of a break. However, still keep blogging since I'll be reflecting on our challenges in our relationships. It was interesting after being gone for only 45 days how much my absence is much like a military absence, without the combat. My wife and I have become accustomed to the other not being around. Then when we are together we find that each of us must "give in" to the other, things like: TV shows, meals, bed time, reading and the like. We will readjust for just a couple of weeks and then I'm off again! It points out very clearly that every marriage and family needs to constantly adjust to the others. Most of the time what is asked of us is not something big and we could "give in" if we only would. I can tell you that after 42 years of marriage you will not remember what you gave in about, but you might remember the conflicts. Build memories of times of cooperation and collaboration, not conflict and distress. When you take time off, take time off. Dr. D.

Winding Down for KY

Well, today is my last day serving the soldiers and soldier families at Ft Campbell, KY. It has been a marvelous opportunity. Today I am involved in 6 hours of suicide prevention awareness groups. These first 7 weeks of this year have convinced me that I am doing what I have been called to do at this time in my life. I do my best to let military families know that you care for them. Last night I spent a couple hours with spouses whose soldiers will be returning from Iraq in the next few weeks. After 42 years of marriage, 26 years of them in the Army, I assured them that they don't have to merely survive, but they can thrive and expect a marvelous and satisfying outcome to their service to their country. And, being away from my wonderful wife, who is "holding down the fort" gives me something very much in common with their experience. I'm not in combat, but I am away from home, from the love of my life, from my bed, my yard, friends, and yes, even the cat! Hold our military in prayer. Dr. D.

More Than We Pay For

I was manning a literature table today. Many military family members walked by. I noticed that even though it was 25 degrees outside, some came in sandles, most without coats. Now, I know people dress as they will and there may be no significance. I also noticed that it seemed to me so many looked ... well, poor. Don't know if I can actually tell that, but you might have felt the same way. Maybe they always "dress down"? I don't know for sure, but it also seems to me that we U. S. Americans get much more than we pay for. God bless them -- "Til Every Last One Comes Home!" Dr. D.

It's Snowing

They say it rarely snows here where KY and TN touch in the western corner. Well, it's snowing today. I've heard they expect their third snow in Wilmington, NC -- now that is really unusual. But weather gives me a good chance to mention that our lives, in our marriages, in our families, in our jobs, have unexpected things happen. It is not to be UNexpected. Things change. We change. Our kids grow up, they move on. We are different every day and more ourselves today than we were this morning when we woke up. "Shock and Awe" are not the ways we face life changes. Emotionally troubling? perhaps. Upsetting? often. But we are resilient people, created for change. We are built to endure what life brings us. "God don't make junk." Dr. D.

Communication Skills

Active Listening it is called. I'm not too good at it actually. I'm usually thinking while I'm talking. However, there is great value in learning how to listen. When we listen we are wanting to learn what the other person feels about things as well as the content of their speech. If our partner is talking about "what's for dinner" we may want to know how the person feels about the question. Hungry? Angry? Lonely? what is going on? Whatg does the question mean? IF I know that the other person is angry about something, the question may not mean the same thing as if the person had a big snack (like a burger? yummm) just a bit ago and is not hungry at all. So, what is behind the question is as important as the question. So, instead of reacting "How do I know?" or "What do you want?" How about "are you ready for dinner?" Try it before you debunk it. Dr. D.

Stressful Times

Family separations are difficult. Repeated separations are more difficult. Children grow while a parent is absent. Even though not single parents, it feels like it. Trying to "reintegrate" into one's family is a challenge that sometimes goes well and sometimes is difficult. Sometimes sons don't have fathers around and daughters the same. Wives and husbands don't have each other. One cannot overestimate the power of a holiday to relieve stress. In honor of our Presidents know that many military families are enjoying a day together, sometime visiting extended family, sometime just hanging out together. These are stressful times and they may be so for you also. Use holidays to reconnect, to enjoy again each other, to dedicate important time on Monday to rebond and rebuild family relationships -- even if some members might think they don't want to do it. Uh, just do it? Dr. D.

Helping Hundreds

I must tell you how honored I am to be serving our military members and their families. Since arriving at Ft Campbell, KY, this installation that is partly in KY and partly in TN, I have presented workshops and briefings to hundreds. Nearly 200 soldiers yesterday (Feb 11, 2009) who had returned from combat the day before. Helping them navigate the reunion and reintegration processes of rejoining their families. Helping their families ready themselves to receive their returning soldier. It is an honor. I have two weeks yet to serve here at Ft Campbell. Time that will move too quickly and end too soon, but gets me back to the home fires that my wonderful wife has kept glowing in my absence. Dr. D.

Communication More Than Talking

They were talking past each other. He said, she said. No you didn't. Yes you did. Whew. Communication is one of the top three difficulties in marriage. We teach Active Listening which requires a person to repeat what the other person said and to ask "did I get it right?" If not, the "sender" gets to clarify before the "receiver" gets to respond. This is a difficult process, but if used several times it becomes a great help in listening. Active Listening. Try it and you'll see that it helps. Sometime you'll even laugh about it. Then you know you're making progress. Dr. D

Time is Relative

So, I was talking the other day to some folks about time. It seems that in the heat of the moment folks don't believe that in 5 years this moment will not be remembered. Oh, I'll remember being here, but not much about the details. I only remember vague ideas of past events. I remember vacations, but not what happened every day of the vacations. Get the idea? Folks will remember where they were or what they were doing, but the arguments will have been forgotten. Today will have been forgotten. So, there is good reason to let this moment pass without the conflicts, because they will be forgotten, so why have them? This is a good thought the next time we are tempted to create a fuss over something that will never be remembered. A pretty good idea for facing each day. Dr. D.

Unspoken Disaster of Combat

Aside from those who make the ultimate sacrifice in combat in service to our country, aside from those who take their lives while in the grip of depression, there is yet an unspoken fatality from military service -- Military Families. For these past four weeks while here at Ft Campbell, I am most busy taking with soldiers and their spouses who are having difficulty reconnecting following deployment. Many are on the brink of disaster. These may be the tip of the iceberg as they say. Perhaps there are others who do not seek assistance and whose marriages dissolve, some with great pain. Seeking assistance for a troubled marriage, a marriage in crisis or a marriage on the brink of disaster is not a sign of weakness but of strength. Yours for Strong Marriages, Dr. D.

Reintegration

Reintegration is what the call the process of a soldier returning from combat and trying to fit in with the U.S. and their families. It is not easy. The challenges are sleeplessness, hesitant to engage others, unable to make connections or be open. It is happening repeatedly with hundreds of soldiers, some of whom I've counseled this week. But engaging others and forming intimate relationships are not just difficult for returning soldiers. It is a challenge for all of us. It takes a great measure of vulnerabilty and openness to actually connect with others without fear or defensiveness. However, the rewards outweigh the difficulties. It is essential that we give it our best effort. Call a counselor if you find it difficult. Yours, Dr. D.

Plans Change, what now?

It's snowing today. Exciting and dangerous too for me since I love living in the south! Did you know that for very many soldiers in today's Army if they had a date they were authorized to leave the Army, that they could be retained for whatever time the Department of Defense required? Then add to that the reason for the mandatory extension was to go into combat. You had plans, going to college, getting married, moving? What we do when plans are forced to change is a measure of our character. George Bernard Shaw said "there are two great disappointments in life. One is to not get what you want and the other is to get what you want." Life altering changes have impact on our lives; move us in another direction; but it does not mean that our goals have to change. Plans change, we don't have to. What we do when new directions are upon us will alter those directions even more. Be full of grace and committment and flexiblity. They will pay dividens to our lives in the days, months, and years ahead. Dr. D.

The Past is Now

Time is a funny thing, we only have today and this moment today. Yet all the yesterdays still are alive and well. Most of us understand that who we are today was molded in our younger years. Sometimes there is a traumatic event that changed the course of our lives. Sometimes it is a job offer or a graduation, a marriage, or a tragedy. Today I met two people from my past, at least 12 years ago. I'm always cautious when people walk up to me and say "I know you." But this time, each of them thanked me for my participation in their lives. One because I wrote a reference for him. The other even said that he still hears my name mentioned as "the guru" of marriage and family chaplains." Whew. That's the kind of "past catching up to you" that is just fine with me. Agree? Dr. D.

Marriage Enrichment

There is a lot of pressure for marriage to be the key to happiness. Actually, happy people make happy marriages. Depressed, sad, lonely, angry people may expect their marriages to make them happy. It doesn't seem to work that way because having a happy and satisfying marriage often takes some doing. Being at peace with one's self is a good beginning. Not at peace? It may be a good place to start having a happy marriage. Dr. D.

Today I was involved in a training session with these fine soldiers. A priviledge of mine and enriching to me personally. It again reminded me how important relationships are. Here is a simple key to remember when you find yourself in a conflict: Time heals all wounds. That means that next week, month, year, today's conflict will be forgotten by a foregiving person. Let that forgiving person be you and me. Dr. D.

Touching Lives

Today was a day that represents what I've come here to do. Talked with a returning soldier who was a single parent of a 3 yr old. /they we doing their best to get re-aquainted. Reminded me how fast time moves. Hearing of this crisis of life reminded me that we must think of every day as precious. It is the only today we have with the ones we love. A word to the wise is sufficient. Dr. D

Staying in Touch

Living these days pretty far from home, I am reminded that there are routines in our every day lives that seem like keeping in touch but actually may fall short. "what's for dinner?" and "where are the kids" are not really keeping in touch. Some folks talk about having "deep" conversations, but those come as needed or requested. But "How are ya?" and "What's been going on in your life?" are better ways of "staying in touch." Many of the military families here at Ft Campbell, KY, have to rely on email and infrequent phone calls to "keep in touch." It both saddens me and reminds me to "keep in touch." You do the same with someone you live. Dr. D.

Worship Together

Being in a military chapel again was quite an experience for me today. Flash backs. In fact, except for some of the decor, the Friendship Chapel was just like the chapel my family and I first attended at Fort Hood in 1972! Amazing. It was cool. The only thing missing of course was my own family. It reminded me how important both worship and family are to a resilient and strong pesonal life. The "third leg" of a strong life is spiritual life. Enhance it and it helps the other parts of our lives. Ignor or disregard it and the other parts of our lives suffer at the absence. I've added some photos today to give you a feel of where I am and what I'm doing. Enjoy. Dr. D.

Training Holiday?

Well, Friday was a Day without duties assigned, which we called "in the day" a training holiday. It meant that commanders are able to repay soldiers and their families for their long and laborous duties by excusing them from duty on the Friday when the following Monday is a Federal Holiday. I found that it was a good day for my work. I was able to visit several places on post where soldiers frequent and counseled with a fine young couple who were having adjustment difficulties after the soldier's 13 months in Afganistan. I was honored to be the one who was there for them. This is what keeps me coming back to working with soldiers. They are tireless at work and when deployed and they need some help along the way sometimes.

Although with greater intensity perhaps, this is not unlike the rest of us. Sometimes the pressures of our lives make obvious some areas in our marriages that need attention. Finding a marriage and family therapist is just the right move. It does not have to take long and will help for a long time. Make the move to get back on the right track for your marriage and family life to thrive. My pleasure. Dr. D.

In Memory

I had the marvelous experience to be here at Ft Campbell, KY, for the monthly Memorical Service/Ceremony for those of the 101st Division who died in Iraq and Afganistan. It was so moving and soul stirring. Following the service, for myself and on your behalf, I went to the altar to pay respects to those who had fallen in combat. I thanked them, standing there in total silence though many people were in the room. The two soldiers' photos were there with the M-16 rifle standing between the boots and adorned by the empty helmet. Thank God for those who are dedicated to take such risks.

It reminds me that there are also sacrifices that folks make in order to make a relationship successful. It can be very satisfying to give of one's self to make a relationship thrive. I think we all do this everyday, but don't count them. Think of the ways you do or could give of yourself for others, especially those you love. Until next time, Dr. D.

Getting Colder

Spending Tuesday getting aclimated to this installation and her mission. Big place. Almost all deployed soldiers have returned. Spending today learning administrative procedures and installation familiarization. Found Army Community Services and have been looking for the Chaplain Family Life Center. As to the weather? Today isn't so bad, but it is expected to be in the single digits Thursday night and Friday may not warm up to 20 degrees. But my heart is warm.

Just a thought. Relationships go through a similar process of warmth and cold. It is important to know that when things cool off it may not mean there is a problem at all. It could mean that often couples and families need time to "chill" and to regroup. We do that instinctly by pulling back a bit without having to announce it to anyone. Just always keep in mind that it will warm up again. Just like the seasons our relationships go through phases of closeness and distance. Just thinking. Dr. D.

Boots on the Ground

Now arrived at Ft Campbell, KY, home of the Screamin' Eagles. At dinner in a local buffet, I noticed how young soldiers are. Where has the time gone? Young men and women with small children. They are the ones who are making the sacrifices, as usual. I envy their youth and vitality. It is wonderful to watch them. On the down side, I'll be back to 0730 mornings and the first time in years I will experience a few days with the high temperature in the teens. Yes, the HIGH temp! I'll sleep a bit restlessly tonight wanting to be ready to help soldiers and their families as they endure the hardships of separation and reunion. For these days it remains Grace Above All. Dr. D.

Changing Plans

Well, I had great plans for today. But the weather is not cooperating. Can't work outdoors, so maybe I'll clean up the garage --- again! No remorse because I can't control the weather. This happens to us in families all the time --- plans that must be changed. There are two things that must be done when plans must change. First, be flexible. Be ready to do something else. I know there are non-spontaneous folks out there, but in these situations not having a plan when the plan fails is not a big deal. Do something else and involve everyone (if possible) who were to be involved in the first place. But sometimes a new plan is not possible. Then Second, plan a "make up day" just like "snow days" when school hours must be made up on another day. Consider that the "make up day" is required because the family event, plan, could not happen and therefore relationships were not enhanced. If it was a picnic, choose the day when it will be made up. Mark it with a red circle. Put a note on the refrigerator door. Create a count down to the make up day. You'll have rescued the lost day, event, or special time.

Family Life Complexities

It is easy to "say" that family matters most, but life is complicated. I had too many things to do that could not get done on one day. After the labor was done it is followed, after dinner, with paperwork that also cannot be postponed or avoided. Life seems to be like that. As it turns out, however, the big challenge is how we think (as a person thinks so is he) about those pressures. THe more I believe the pressures are destroying my familoy experiences the more they do so. Not that ignoring the impact means there won't be any, but the additional pressure that our concern puts on us is not helpful either to getting tasks done or engaging our families. One way to chip away at that pressure is to take a break from the work to engage family members, however briefly. That joy and warmth will decrease pressure and increase family contact and enjoyment. We accomplish two things at once. Try it the next time you are pressured by tasks and are missing out on great family enrichment.

First Stop of 2009

I'm on my way to Ft Campbell, KY. Even after 26 yrs in the Army, I've never been to Ft Campbell. I know the "Screamin' Eagles" are there, the 101st Airborne! Hooah! I'll let you know.

Dr. Bill De Leo's Musings

There is a lot to experience and learn in our world. I have been one of those folks who just had to see what was around the next corner. AFTER a career as an Army Chaplain, as the Executive Director of a Counseling Region, as a university professor, traveling the world assisting military families with their struggles, adjustments, and challenges was more down my alley. So, I've begun this adventure of traveling the world to do just that. Stop in often and see what's going on and let me know what you think; maybe even what you want me to tell folks. You know, from your heart to theirs. Until then, Grace Above All.