Time Off

Well, I'm taking a bit of a break. However, still keep blogging since I'll be reflecting on our challenges in our relationships. It was interesting after being gone for only 45 days how much my absence is much like a military absence, without the combat. My wife and I have become accustomed to the other not being around. Then when we are together we find that each of us must "give in" to the other, things like: TV shows, meals, bed time, reading and the like. We will readjust for just a couple of weeks and then I'm off again! It points out very clearly that every marriage and family needs to constantly adjust to the others. Most of the time what is asked of us is not something big and we could "give in" if we only would. I can tell you that after 42 years of marriage you will not remember what you gave in about, but you might remember the conflicts. Build memories of times of cooperation and collaboration, not conflict and distress. When you take time off, take time off. Dr. D.

Winding Down for KY

Well, today is my last day serving the soldiers and soldier families at Ft Campbell, KY. It has been a marvelous opportunity. Today I am involved in 6 hours of suicide prevention awareness groups. These first 7 weeks of this year have convinced me that I am doing what I have been called to do at this time in my life. I do my best to let military families know that you care for them. Last night I spent a couple hours with spouses whose soldiers will be returning from Iraq in the next few weeks. After 42 years of marriage, 26 years of them in the Army, I assured them that they don't have to merely survive, but they can thrive and expect a marvelous and satisfying outcome to their service to their country. And, being away from my wonderful wife, who is "holding down the fort" gives me something very much in common with their experience. I'm not in combat, but I am away from home, from the love of my life, from my bed, my yard, friends, and yes, even the cat! Hold our military in prayer. Dr. D.

More Than We Pay For

I was manning a literature table today. Many military family members walked by. I noticed that even though it was 25 degrees outside, some came in sandles, most without coats. Now, I know people dress as they will and there may be no significance. I also noticed that it seemed to me so many looked ... well, poor. Don't know if I can actually tell that, but you might have felt the same way. Maybe they always "dress down"? I don't know for sure, but it also seems to me that we U. S. Americans get much more than we pay for. God bless them -- "Til Every Last One Comes Home!" Dr. D.

It's Snowing

They say it rarely snows here where KY and TN touch in the western corner. Well, it's snowing today. I've heard they expect their third snow in Wilmington, NC -- now that is really unusual. But weather gives me a good chance to mention that our lives, in our marriages, in our families, in our jobs, have unexpected things happen. It is not to be UNexpected. Things change. We change. Our kids grow up, they move on. We are different every day and more ourselves today than we were this morning when we woke up. "Shock and Awe" are not the ways we face life changes. Emotionally troubling? perhaps. Upsetting? often. But we are resilient people, created for change. We are built to endure what life brings us. "God don't make junk." Dr. D.

Communication Skills

Active Listening it is called. I'm not too good at it actually. I'm usually thinking while I'm talking. However, there is great value in learning how to listen. When we listen we are wanting to learn what the other person feels about things as well as the content of their speech. If our partner is talking about "what's for dinner" we may want to know how the person feels about the question. Hungry? Angry? Lonely? what is going on? Whatg does the question mean? IF I know that the other person is angry about something, the question may not mean the same thing as if the person had a big snack (like a burger? yummm) just a bit ago and is not hungry at all. So, what is behind the question is as important as the question. So, instead of reacting "How do I know?" or "What do you want?" How about "are you ready for dinner?" Try it before you debunk it. Dr. D.

Stressful Times

Family separations are difficult. Repeated separations are more difficult. Children grow while a parent is absent. Even though not single parents, it feels like it. Trying to "reintegrate" into one's family is a challenge that sometimes goes well and sometimes is difficult. Sometimes sons don't have fathers around and daughters the same. Wives and husbands don't have each other. One cannot overestimate the power of a holiday to relieve stress. In honor of our Presidents know that many military families are enjoying a day together, sometime visiting extended family, sometime just hanging out together. These are stressful times and they may be so for you also. Use holidays to reconnect, to enjoy again each other, to dedicate important time on Monday to rebond and rebuild family relationships -- even if some members might think they don't want to do it. Uh, just do it? Dr. D.

Helping Hundreds

I must tell you how honored I am to be serving our military members and their families. Since arriving at Ft Campbell, KY, this installation that is partly in KY and partly in TN, I have presented workshops and briefings to hundreds. Nearly 200 soldiers yesterday (Feb 11, 2009) who had returned from combat the day before. Helping them navigate the reunion and reintegration processes of rejoining their families. Helping their families ready themselves to receive their returning soldier. It is an honor. I have two weeks yet to serve here at Ft Campbell. Time that will move too quickly and end too soon, but gets me back to the home fires that my wonderful wife has kept glowing in my absence. Dr. D.