The Weather

There is a problem with this wonderful cooler weather, 45 at night 68 in the day. The problem it is a sign that winter is around the corner. Don't like winter, even in NC. Sound foolish? Yes, it is foolish to give up a wonderful day because winter is next. It is not that one can certainly enjoy the winter. It is that this wonderful Fall day will go without the joy that it can bring. Oh, Wait. Doing that with other things? Skip the joy of today because of worry about the future? Maybe you are doing that with the past -- skip the joy of today because of worry about the past. Enjoy the day. It may be the secret to the happy life. Dr. D.

Going Away - Not Good

I am on the road all the time, well, most of the time. It drags you down no matter how comfortable you might be. But that is nothing compared to what Soldiers do. Funny, both good and bad comes from going away all the time. Soldiers have an added element of fear that is always there but seldom faced. It is better NOT to face it. That fear is that he or she may not return -- a deployment may cost a Soldier's life. Attending memorial services is difficult because it makes very real the possibility that "my" soldier will be the next to die -- especially when the memorial service is for someone in the same unit. So, there is no way that I can figure going away is a good thing during combat. It may be good for the United States or for a country that we are helping to guarantee freedom. But for families it is never good. Dr. D.

Another Day -- What Happened?

It may seem to be "naval gazing" but it is good to look back over a day and see how it went. I know, you would likely think about work or missions you completed. But what about relationships? Did you note if you hugged your children? I'd love to do that but they live far away, and of course, they are adults -- but I'd hug them anyway! What about your spouse? Did you note special moments in the day? Remember dating? Just gazing into one another's eyes? Well, try it again -- and don't laugh while you're doing it. So, while checking what happened today, think of how it went with you and the people you love. Dr. D.

Never a Chance to Rest

I know, there are plenty of people telling us to make the most of every minute. We don't have to sit on the couch when the trash needs taking out. Nor do we need to watch a TV show when we could be playing with the kids. Nor do we need to sleep late on Saturdays when the car needs washing, when the lawn needs mowing or the walk needs shoveling, or the carpet needs vacuuming or the furniture dusting, or, don't let me forget, cooking breakfast and cooking out for lunch! When does a body rest? So, what we've done is heap guilt up on us so high that to rest is to be guilty. There ya go. So, rest. A rested soul is a more effective soul. Not that we should allow TV or sleeping in keep us from being a great parent or partner, no way. But sometimes there is a need for rest that keeps us effective and happy and a better us. So, every once in awhile, kick back and take that much needed rest. Dr. D.

Make the Minutes Count

Time flies doesn't it! But because of that too many unnoticed minutes pass us by. It is amazing that we allow those who are important to us to slip through those minutes without knowing. Can you remind folks too often that they are important to you? I don't think so. Make those minutes count. Keep the from slipping by. Unlike the commercials for cell phones, you can't get back the minutes we let pass. Did I tell you lately how important you are? How easy is that? When was the last time your kids, your spouse or parents heard that you loved them. Here in the Airborne world of the 82d Airborne Division, I admonish them to pay close attention to these passing minutes -- they could be the last they have together. An unspoken truth that is painful to be hold. But to acknowledge that truth is to help make every minute count. Try it. I'm sure it will help grow your relationships. Dr. D.

Nothing Comes Too Easily

I know we'd like our marriages to blossom without much effort. The couple sat in the office recounting why they loved each other but were no longer able to tolerate each other's ways. I mean, isn't marriage supposed to be magical? exciting? forever loving? and all without effort? Well, in a word "no". In order for magic to work takes work. In order for it to be exciting two people have to do what makes it exciting. Forever love comes from dedication, forgiveness, acceptance. And all of it takes dedicated effort. It simply takes work. It means knowing that each wishes the other no harm; knowing that love means being ready to forgive (not just being able to say "I'm sorry" but to forgive readily); knowing that if the outcome we wish is a long and strong relationship, it will take effort, willingly giving to the other. The satisfaction of working to make a marriage work will bring a smile of satisfaction to your faces. You know you have to agree. Dr. D.

Where has the time gone?

OK. I've been out of the net. I knew it. It bugged me everyday. Now I'm back. I am ready to rock and roll again. Family care is a very specialized segment of counseling. Spiritual care is even more specialized that marriage and family counseling. I'm looking forward to re-engaging. We do know that it is difficult to be open and honest and get along. It seems like it should be simple, but it isn't. Somehow getting past our own barriers and through the other's barriers is not an easy thing! It is a challenge but well worth it. It seems easy to just walk away or forget about it or just let it go. But that does not build closeness particularly in a marriage or family. Kids don't seem to want to hear about what makes a strong family. Parents don't seem to want to do it. Why? It is hard work. It takes patience and dedication. It takes being calm and staying connected until understanding is found and the relationship connected. I'm looking forward to the adventure with those wonderful soldiers at Ft Bragg, their spouses and children. They do help to keep an old guy young! Dr. D.