Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Relational Disconnecting
As I get to the close of this assignment I begin to understand again what it is like to connect and disconnect and reconnect in one's relationships. It is not a simple task. It reminds me that things happen in a family, in a marriage, that causes folks to disconnect, among siblings, between parents, between parents and kids. They are in the same house, doing much the same things they do all the time, but it is obvious to everyone that they have disconnected. The real challenge comes in trying to reconnect. It almost seems more difficult than the gradual disconnecting that already happened. Yet, in order for a family, a marriage, well, shoot, a person to thrive, that reconnecting must take place. If ya can't seem to find a way to do that, sit with the person you wish to reconnect to and simply say "I can't seem to find a way back to you. Let's try to do that together." It is not reconnecting, but it is recognizing that sometimes reconnecting is much more difficult than the disconnecting. Make it happen. Dr. D.
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Hello there Dr. DeLeo,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that it has taken this long to post. Things have been crazy busy with work, the internship and school. We just went through a big layoff here at Billy Graham but thankfully my name was not on the list.
I can’t really describe my mood these days. I can’t post all that I want to but we will have to talk by phone at some point. Things have been really stressful but I am sure that you have spoken with Larry. I truly miss your input in the group and individual sessions!!!
It is wonderful to read your posts and to see how you are enjoying your new position. Reading your blog brings back so many memories of being on a military base (long story) and sometimes I am strongly drawn to that sector when I finish my degree. Who knows maybe that is where the Lord is keeping my future husband (smile).
Take care and I will do a better job of keeping in touch. I will send you my contact information by email.
Peace and Blessing,
Ms. Hall oh yeah now it can just be Kim or Kimberly
The most difficult part of reconnecting can be the guilt from having disconnected in the first place -- I believe you Bowenians call that an emotional cutoff? But don't we sometimes have to disconnect from unhealthy "stuff" in order to thrive? It's been nearly 11 years since the last time I spoke with my birth father -- I know, TMI -- but I don't see that as an unhealthy disconnect given the fact that he chose to not be part of my life.
ReplyDeleteHaving a relationship with him and his wife was like riding a freakin roller coaster that never ended, and sometimes was suspended in the highest point of one of the loops.
I used to regret not pursuing, but I don't know that I want to subject my kids to the hurt he caused me. I guess I'll always wonder about that.