Where has the time gone?

OK. I've been out of the net. I knew it. It bugged me everyday. Now I'm back. I am ready to rock and roll again. Family care is a very specialized segment of counseling. Spiritual care is even more specialized that marriage and family counseling. I'm looking forward to re-engaging. We do know that it is difficult to be open and honest and get along. It seems like it should be simple, but it isn't. Somehow getting past our own barriers and through the other's barriers is not an easy thing! It is a challenge but well worth it. It seems easy to just walk away or forget about it or just let it go. But that does not build closeness particularly in a marriage or family. Kids don't seem to want to hear about what makes a strong family. Parents don't seem to want to do it. Why? It is hard work. It takes patience and dedication. It takes being calm and staying connected until understanding is found and the relationship connected. I'm looking forward to the adventure with those wonderful soldiers at Ft Bragg, their spouses and children. They do help to keep an old guy young! Dr. D.

Time REALLY does Fly

Well, no. I guess time clicks off at the same 60 seconds per minute, 60 minutes per hour, etc., etc.! But sometimes it SEEMS to fly by. It is now 8 months since I began traveling to serve our military men and women and their families -- Department of the Army civilians, too. It began in TN, moved to AL, then on to TX and finally here at Fort Bragg, NC. Here's what I've discovered. Time flies. Yes, it zooms by. I could not have been on the road for 8 months. My goodness that's almost a year -- I guess 4 months less than a year, but it seems like a year. I've also discovered that military people are like people everywhere. They are no different regardless of whether we think so or don't. They are pretty young. They are usually balancing military duties, home life, children, marriage and money. Why? To serve their country and the cause of freedom around the world. No I haven't "drunk the Kool Aid" I have seen them and they are us. Same kind of problems; same kind of energy; same kind of challenges; same kind of determination to make the best of sometimes very difficult situations. Yes, they are us. And as Jesus said we ought to "love our neighbors as we love ourselves." These soldiers and airmen I have met, you would love them as you love yourself. It is eye opening. Time has moved on and for the first time this year I'll spend some time at home before returning to the work again soon. It will be here before I know it, because Time REALLY does FLY! Dr. D.

Don't Like it Til It's Gone!

Right. Like hating to be a teenager until you're not one anymore. Longing to be 16 to drive a car, but then hate to earn the money to pay the bills related to a car. Like work. It really seems wonderful to have (today to have one at all it seems) but then to tire of it after a bit. Nothing has been more glorious than working with soldiers. It is so very cool to be outside at 1715 (that's 5:30p for civilians :-)) when the loud speaker system blasts retreat (end of day) and then plays the National Anthem. Everything stops. Soldiers stop where they are, stand at attention, then salute through the National Anthem. How cool would it be in the shopping mall at 5p for the loud speaker to go on and ask everyone shopping to stop what they are doing, stand at attention, and listen to the National Anthem. Well, I'm in line for leave (uh, vacation to civilians) in a couple of weeks. Being away from home has been difficult so far this year. But that vacation is great, but. Well, but I'll miss the soldiers. The end of this assignment will be met with mixed emotions. Dr. D.

Does a Tree Make a Sound?

You know the old question "Does a tree that falls in the forest make a sound if there is no one to hear it.?" The point was that communication takes a speaker and a listener. That's cool in marriage and family conversations. It takes sharing the speaking and listening parts so that everyone speaks and listens. They actually teach Active Listening so that couples can learn to actually hear one another. You know 'if I understand what you said it was ...." (smile, please). But I was thinking about sharing my thoughts about this work and some of my experiences. Like today I met a young soldier who had an adverse reaction to an inoculation and has lost use of some of her limbs for the rest of her life. She was doing so well, made me feel somewhat ashamed of my complaints. But does anyone read about it just because I write about it? I may decide to do mass emails instead? What thinkest thou? Dr. D.

Never a Dull Moment

To borrow a phrase -- working with soldiers and their families never has a dull moment. Life sometimes seems so boring and same. Days come one after the other. But I gotta tell ya, with soldiers one never knows what the day will hold. If you are Special Forces or Rangers that is really true. They sometimes go to work and don't come home. A message is sent to the families that they are on a mission. It is amazing, really, how they do it, even the senior soldiers who have been doing it for twenty years or more. So, every time I think that today will be too much for me, or that I'd rather be at home, I think of them and settle in to doing my mission. It is not dull to say the least. I was thinking that we can look at our non-military lives with the same sense of anticipation that today will be filled with wonder and love and even some uncertainty. Try it and as they say, you'll like it. Dr. D.

It can wear ya out!

I guess everyone can say that their jobs wear them out. Some people say working with younger folks makes ya feel young. Well, I gotta say that the young soldiers and young soldier families can wear a guy out. The weather is very hot, 100 degrees today. The installation is filled with housing, office buildings, barracks, and lots of training places. It is big here at Ft Bragg. And I have to admit that it wears me out. Some of the challenges that young soldiers have would astound our civilian friends. And I'm tired. Well, worn out. OK, so I can keep going and I will. But trying to keep up with young soldiers is a real challenge. Know what I mean? Dr. D.

Some Silence is Not Good

There are soldiers and some of their leaders who think that depression and anxiety are for weaker persons. What happens when you believe this is breakdown in the face of difficulties. Seeking and getting assistance in the face of stress and distress and personal challenges is not a sign of a weaker person, but maybe a smarter person. This kind of silence is not good for any of us, certainly not for soldiers and their families. Secrets of our hearts are a weight that is difficult to carry alone. Openness in a marriage brings personal peace and enhanced marital relationships. No, we don't tell anyone every thought we ever had. But to say "I'm worried and I want to talk about it" and to have your partner say "I want to hear what you have to say and we'll face it together," is a marvelous experience. Silence is not always golden -- only when your school teacher wants the class to settle down! :-] Dr. D.